What We're Reading: Never Split the Difference
By Charlie Maki
“Negotiation is not an act of battle; it’s a process of discovery. The goal is to uncover as much information as possible.”
Chris Voss is a former lead international kidnapping negotiator for the FBI. As one might imagine, Voss’ career led him to develop a rather different negotiation strategy from what one would typically learn in business school. The most essential difference in this strategy is the treatment of emotion.
The traditional business school negotiating framework is theoretically rational. The pursuit of reason and elimination of emotion is seen as a virtue, since emotions are regarded as elements that impair judgement. Voss’ system recognizes that to disregard emotion is not only unreasonable, it's even undesirable. Starting from a basis of psychological principles, Voss introduces unique insights into the negotiation process: Not only is emotion recognized, it's incorporated fundamentally into the negotiation strategy.
A few key points that stood out to me:
One of the easiest ways to build rapport and trust is to label the other party’s pains, and preempt their accusations. Understanding the other party’s needs deeply enough to be able to validate their pains, problems, perspectives, etc. before they even say them explicitly is a fantastic way to build trust. The other party feels as if their desires have been acknowledged, and will be more willing to cooperate.
Power dynamics within a negotiation are treated with an interesting lens. Negotiation is not a battle, it's a process of mutual discovery. Therefore, a ‘No’ can be as useful, and sometimes even moreso, than a ‘Yes:’ A ‘No’ makes the other party feel safe, and gives them the illusion of control. They will be more willing to share their concerns, fears, etc. which gives one more information to work with, and therefore leads to mutually better outcomes. This is in direct contrast to the common sales technique of getting the other party to say ‘Yes,’ which can leave the other party feeling powerless, usually leading them to respond with fake Yes’s.
The process of building rapport through ‘mirroring.’ Voss’ (idiosyncratic) concept of mirroring involves not only the process of physically mirroring body language, which is commonly regarded, but also literally mirroring the other party’s words. A remarkable technique to get someone to explain themselves into a realization is to simply repeat the last few words they’ve just said in the form of a question. This encourages them to expand upon their demands and explain why they demanded them in the first place, allowing one to learn more about them, as well as creating the possibility that the other party reevaluates their demands upon discovery of unfairness or other internal contradiction.
The right question can completely change a negotiation. Sufficiently powerful questions lead the other party to see things from your perspective, come to the ‘right answer’ themselves, and propose a desired solution. When they have proposed the solution themselves, they will be far more willing to agree.
The way to guarantee execution in a negotiation is repeated affirmations. In addition to recognizing body language, Voss recommends adhering to the ‘Rule of Three’ in which the other party confirms their commitment three times. This may be through labelling, summarizing, questioning, etc.
The recognition of different negotiation patterns is crucial. Voss basically repeats traditional advice here, but does so through an emotional, psychological lens, which is a common theme throughout the book. Even if the negotiation technique discussed is already common it is given renewed interest through Voss’ unique perspective.
The most fantastic element of Never Split the Difference is the way in which Voss is able to incorporate examples of real success and failure. Outside of business or everyday examples, Voss often pulls from a wide array of hostage negotiation anecdotes, which are both highly engaging as well as uniquely powerful teaching material: the intense nature of the stories help cement the power of the principles discussed. One feels that the book’s teachings are immediately actionable in real life, which is a pleasant change from more abstract readings.
The book itself introduces concepts with just the right amount of science without feeling overly academic, making for an easy read. Voss also dives into particulars and technicalities occasionally: He addresses, for example, specific vocal tonalities, usage of silence, and suggested bargaining techniques, which reinforces the notion that the book’s strategies are actually implementable into daily life.
Personally, I felt Voss’ framework provided a good counterbalance to my more rationalistic instincts. The remarkable thing about Voss’ system is that it does not supplant other negotiation systems: in fact, it integrates into, or layers on top of, other negotiating frameworks remarkably well. Voss himself even explains the Ackerman model and integrates it directly into his own negotiation framework.
My only major criticism of Voss is that his language sometimes gets concerning. Exaggerated, self-aggrandizing rhetoric can occasionally result in statements such as the promise to learn how to “bend their reality,” which ventures too near to the realm of manipulation for my comfort. Overall, however, the spirit of the book seems to be one encouraging mutual benefit, and can certainly be read with that end in mind.
Never Split the Difference is an exciting book to read not only because it provides a refreshing look into one of the most integral aspects of business, but also because it encourages us to consider a perspective that may change fundamentally our view on the balance of emotion and reason.
